There’s only one promise you need to make to yourself. It’s this: ‘I promise to live a life I love.’ I’ll say it again: ‘I promise to live a life I love.’
If you’re not (yet) living a life you love, there are two questions I’d ask: ‘Can I picture a life I truly would love to live?’ and ‘Am I truly willing to do what it takes to have it?’ If your answer to both these questions is ‘yes’, then you probably know what to do next. Hugs, blessings and cheers to you. You’re on your way.
If you can’t (yet) picture a life that you would truly love, then you probably just need some help to form the picture. Don’t rush this but don’t waste a moment either. There’s a life at stake. Here’s what I’d do:
Before you go to bed tonight (if you’re already in bed, get up now and do this), find yourself a notebook or scrapbook or folder or box, and write on its cover or its lid: ‘What I Love’. Then for the next month, every time you think of someone, something or somewhere you love, write it down. Don’t make plans (yet). Just start a gentle and patient daily conversation with yourself about what you love, and record everything you come up. A word here, a phrase there, a photo, a scrappy sketch, a line of verse, a doodle. Capture whatever you love in whatever form you can express it. Don’t edit anything, don’t censor anything. Just have the conversation.
At the end of the month, ask the first question again: ‘Can I picture a life I truly would love to live?’ if your answer is ‘yes’, it’s time to move on to the second question. If it’s still ‘no’, then smile at your ‘no’, give yourself a treat, a friendly hug, and invite yourself back into the conversation for another month. And, if necessary, another month after that. And, if necessary, another month after that. Do this until you’ve formed the picture of a life your heart truly says ‘yes’ to. Remember, there’s no hurry. You have your whole lifetime to do this so take your time.
When you’ve formed the picture of a life you’d truly love to live, you’re ready for the second (and easier) question: ‘Am I truly willing to do whatever it takes to have it?’ If your answer is ‘yes’, you’re on your way. Bon voyage. If your answer is ‘no’, then there’s a good chance the life you’re living right is in fact the life you love. By the way, it’s far better to see this than to torture yourself with the illusion that you’re trapped. If your answer is somewhere in between, then I suspect you might really be saying ‘no’, but in a more roundabout kind of way. To find out, you can start a new monthly conversation with yourself.
On a related matter, whenever something happens in your life that hurts you or knocks you off your feet or simply wears you out, spend generous amounts of time lying down. And if you can do it, stay lying down until you’ve fully recovered. Then get back up and resume living the life you love. If your recovery is gradual, then get up gradually, easing back into life and into love. Love is patient. Don’t rush yourself. There’s no point.
Whenever you suffer at the hands of someone else or you feel life has been unkind or unfair to you, the very best thing to do is to forget it. That’s often easier to say than to do. And there are some things we simply can’t forget. So do the next best thing: forgive it. Forgiving isn’t as good as forgetting but it’s better than nothing.
By the way, forgiving has nothing to do with saying: ‘oh, it’s ok, I don’t mind’ or ‘it’s ok, it’s just life’ or ‘it’s ok, it’s not a big deal’. If it’s ok, then there’s nothing to forgive. Forgiveness is only relevant when it’s not ok. It’s very important not to rush forgiveness. Sometimes it takes years of grief and rage to pave the way for it. But in the end we have to drop the charges against those who’ve trespassed against us. We have to stop defining ourselves by our wounds. Otherwise, what we don’t forgive will consume us.
Finally, regarding spiritual enlightenment, forget about this too. You need enlightenment like you need a hole in the head. Don’t waste your time chasing it. Just stay true to that one promise you’ve made to yourself: ‘I promise to live a life I love.’ Enlightenment will then take care of itself. The rest is just a load of blah.
Thanks to my wise old mate and football balladeer, Mick Murray, for sharing these insights with me at a time in my life where I felt a bit over-promised. Onya Mick!
